Progress, Not Perfection


It’s been an extended, onerous, harmful street, however right here I’m. Life isn’t excellent by any means, and I’m not all the time in a very good temper. However I’ve felt a hell of so much higher this final 12 months and a half than I’ve perhaps since I used to be 14. That was 35 years in the past.

That’s an extended haul.

Over time, I’ve tried nearly the whole lot to really feel higher. Sadly, I’ve a bit asterisk subsequent to my prognosis that denotes it as “treatment-resistant” MDD. Regardless of the efforts of myself, a slew of psychological well being suppliers, and a few shut family and friends, nothing actually helped a lot. I would get a bit respite for just a few months after beginning a brand new med, however finally, that may go away and I’d be left questioning what the hell occurred – once more.

Lastly, in late 2015, I took an opportunity on a new-fangled remedy choice referred to as TMS. Transcranial magnetic stimulation is a non-invasive remedy for despair that makes use of magnetic pulses to activate sure elements of the mind. In different phrases, it will get your neurotransmitters going. The analysis says it’s virtually as efficient as ECT, and my expertise has been that there are only a few negative effects (like feeling sleepy and having a minor headache).

The (very optimistic) results of the TMS lasted for about eight or 9 months after which I felt myself beginning to slip once more. I contacted my shrink and bought in for one more spherical of remedies. 5 months later, I nonetheless really feel fairly rattling good. That claims so much, contemplating that I’ve been coping with just a few Actually Huge Offers recently.

Since I’ve been feeling higher, I made a decision I wanted to do one thing with my life. Truly, it’s extra like I spotted I may do one thing with my life. I spent the higher a part of twenty years with no hope, no objectives, no perception that I even had a future, a lot much less a productive one.


So, final week, after an terrible lot of tweaking, I printed my freelance writing web site, I’m now ready impatiently for the psychological well being, LGBTQ, habit, and social justice communities to magically discover me and rent me to jot down for them.
(Replace, February 2018: TMHW is not out there.)

However then I spotted that, whereas serving to companies and organizations is all properly and good, I wished to have a extra private affect on individuals. I used to be not too long ago re-reading a weblog publish the inimitable Jon Morrow of Good Blogger wrote for ProBlogger and bought completely impressed. You’ll be able to learn it right here.

I assumed, Yeah, I wish to make a distinction in individuals’s lives, too! I wish to assist whoever is affected by despair by letting them know that it IS attainable to beat it! So, I considered this killer area title ( and began including content material, and voila! Right here it’s.

In fact, I need this to succeed. Who wouldn’t adore it if their posts bought actually common and Hollywood got here calling, saying they wished Jennifer Lawrence to play you? LOL However actually, I simply wish to assist individuals really feel higher if I can. That’s the driving pressure behind all of this.

These are my guarantees to you:

There’s no such factor as “excellent”, and MDD is a persistent sickness that I don’t count on to go away anytime quickly. So you possibly can count on the unabashed fact from me.

I will likely be very trustworthy with the place I’m at on any given day. Meaning the unhealthy, in addition to the great. There’s no such factor as “excellent”, and MDD is a persistent sickness that I don’t count on to go away anytime quickly. So you possibly can count on the unabashed fact from me.

I’ll often point out matters that might be triggering, similar to suicide, self-injury, abuse, and so forth. Once I do, I promise I’ll accomplish that responsibly and with tact. I may even provide you with a heads-up so you possibly can resolve if you wish to learn it or not.

I’ll reply to all feedback as quickly as humanly attainable, so go forward – drop me a line!


Another factor. Though the title of this web site is Despair Warrior, as a common rule, I strive to not “struggle” my despair anymore. After years and many years of being pissed off about it and making an attempt to “repair” what I assumed was damaged in me, I’ve come to appreciate that my life goes so much higher if I can settle for the place I’m at at this second – not interact it in fight.

BUT I additionally know what a wrestle it’s to easily survive some days, to dress, to eat one thing (aside from chocolate), to take a bathe. And God forbid you must want to depart the home for some cause! I’ve severe respect and admiration for anybody who has to cope with a psychological sickness (and their supporters) as a result of how a lot more durable can it get than battling a mind that’s out to get you each single day?
In that sense, we’re all warriors. We’re survivors. We proceed.

So, my fellow Warriors, thanks to your bravery and braveness. Each time I see a narrative on the information or learn an article, ebook, Fb publish, or Tweet about the way you go on, I’m inspired and impressed. You assist me greater than you already know.

Initially posted on “Despair Warrior.”

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